What is weakening the work
The fuzzy positioning, missing proof, distracting design, and avoidable friction standing between your site and a stronger yes.
Paid to get roasted
Get roasted.
Get better.
The $9 Written Roast is a sharp written audit of your portfolio, website, or creative work. No vague design-speak. Just clear priorities, practical fixes, and no fluff.
One-time payment · Written delivery · No subscription
roastfolio.audit
Portfolio review
This site is trying too hard.
The roast
Your work is good. The evidence is buried under an overlong intro and three competing calls to action.
Lead with the outcome, not your process.Give your strongest case study the first click.Make the inquiry path impossible to miss.
Brutally honest feedback. Powered by payments.
Honesty hurts.
Good.
Good.
The $9 Written Roast
A written audit with enough bite to make your next revision matter.
You get a human, page-by-page read of the experience someone meets before they decide whether to hire you.
What to cut
The dead weight: pages, sections, words, and flourishes that are asking for attention without earning it.
What to do next
A ranked action plan so you know what to change first, what can wait, and where the real leverage lives.
Written PDF-style auditPrioritized next stepsNo generic scorecards
No hoops. Just heat.
How the roast works.
You bring the link. I bring the directness. Your work gets a clearer route to conversion.
- 01
Buy the roast
Checkout happens securely through the platform. No custom card forms or account circus.
- 02
Send the work
After purchase, the intake page collects your link, context, and the thing you most want to improve.
- 03
Get the useful truth
You receive a crisp written audit with specific cuts, fixes, and a ranked action plan.
Proof, soon
A little constructive carnage.
These are clearly marked placeholders while the first completed Roasts and client permission arrive.
Sample roast · Placeholder
Homepage diagnosis
“Your portfolio opens with a bio. It should open with the reason a great client should keep scrolling.”
Then: a tighter intro, one stronger project lead, and an inquiry CTA that stops hiding in the footer.
Client testimonial · Placeholder
“The feedback was so specific I knew exactly what to change before lunch.”
— Future client, future glow-up
FAQ
Before the flames.
- Is this a redesign?
- No. It is the decision-making fuel before a redesign—or the smart alternative when you only need a focused set of changes.
- What can I submit?
- A portfolio, personal site, freelancer website, or project-forward landing page. The post-purchase intake asks for the link and context.
- Will you be mean?
- Direct, never cheap. The goal is useful clarity—not a pile-on.
- When do I receive it?
- Delivery timing is confirmed after intake. The audit is written, deliberate, and built around your actual work.
One flagship roast
Your work can take it.
The $9 Written Roast turns a portfolio that feels “almost there” into a plan you can actually execute.
Get the $9 Written Roast $9 · Written audit · Big clarity